Who Am I?
I was born on a dark and stormy night to 2 impoverished teenagers who only got married as a means of escape. This was obviously very good for my development.
Naturally restless and never satisfied are two ways to describe me. Another way would be "terminally in my own head." I spend most of my time thinking about all the ways in which things suck and how I could improve them. You'd think that this would be a very good thing, but you would be wrong.
Critics say, "I thought you were a bitch at first, but you're actually really nice!" and "You are, by far, my most fucked up client" which are both pretty fucked up to say to a person. Though to be fair, those were pretty accurate assessments.
I spent my formative years on early Youtube, Newgrounds, and Tumblr, so my sense of humor has been carefully distilled down into "Stupid, gay, and mentally ill." This usually makes me off-putting, but middle-aged men seem to think I'm a comedy genius.
Truly, I am just some guy.
Unsanitized Self-Expression: A Manifesto
Manifesto sounds a bit dramatic, but I keep seeing it around Neocities, so I'm stealing it to talk about my website more in-depth than the home page.
First things first: richardnyxon doesn't refer, as you might assume, to the infamous 37th US president. It's actually a vague nickname/reference to my dog, Nyx, whose only similarity to the previously mentioned is their deadness. I'll have to make a page for her at some point to expand her fan club (we have stickers).
Now, onto the meat of it.
I feel like a common theme throughout my life has been struggling to express myself fully and authentically. Back in middle school, I would spend all day making sure my Myspace page reflected some perfect ideal I had created of myself - agonizing over what song to autoplay and which poetry to post to make me seem the deepest. Then, sanitized websites like Facebook and Twitter popped up, where you can't adjust the look of your personal page beyond a profile/header image. The expotential rise of these types of sites - all interlinked - and the phenomenon of a "curated image" or "personal brand" washed away any creativity from my typical internet usage.
Even worse, once I became a working adult, I realized how easily my social media presence could hurt me. Not only does it allow employers to see all of my information and opinions, but it also makes that information available for stalkers (of which I've had multiple, somehow. I don't think I'm that interesting) and attached to my real name and face.
I was never really a fan of social media in the first place, even at my peak usage. At best it showed me what was happening in my friends' lives without actually interacting with them, at worst it made me hate myself or others. I do really value the ability to stay connected without having to keep track of phone numbers, but it definitely wasn't at the cost I was paying. Since then, I've deleted everything but my Tumblr. Even that isn't "social media" as much as it is a bunch of gay people telling jokes all day, at least the way I use it. I know that isn't unique to Tumblr at all, but it feels like one of the last places where 95% of the userbase isn't being vitriolic on purpose. It's definitely there, but it's lessened to a considerable degree.
Aside from all of that, I spent a lot of my formative years having my interests made fun of at every turn. I didn't really realize how much it impacted me, but I struggle doing any activity around other people that they aren't also doing, or sharing my music, or even just talking about media I consume. It's fucking depressing living like that - something had to change.
Once I saw Neocities being mentioned in a few different places, I decided to check it out, and all of my Geocities memories came rushing back to me. I'd spend hours just poring through blogs and galleries, following webrings and trees of links through the many tubes of the internet. I always wanted to make my own site, but I was about 5% too stupid to grasp the concept of webhosting, so I just practiced writing very ugly HTML.
Now, being at least 5% smarter and 100% more self-conscious, I'm able to actually realize those dreams. The smaller, more anonymous, yet community-oriented nature of Neocities makes it perfect for my deep dive into myself and my interests. I want to try keeping some sort of journal, sharing my recipes and art, and maybe making some shrines. I'd also like to get into the habit of writing reviews for the media I'm consuming, as terribly vulnerable as that feels.
Overall, I want this site to be a real reflection of myself - not something that I've decided will play best to some invisible audience. A monument to how strange and boring I am, and a monument of boundless self-expression in an increasingly stifling world.
Hopefully you'll find something interesting or useful here, or at the very least, feel a little less alone in this big, wide world.
Buttons and Links
Below, you'll find my site's button as well as the buttons of my friends, Neocities neighbors, or just sites that I think are really cool.
My site button
Other sites
