Who is Nyx?
The namesake of this website, Nyx was my dog who I adopted in 2016 and got to share over 7 amazing years with until she passed the day before Valentine's Day, 2024. She was smart, sweet, anxious as hell, and the best damn dog I ever could have asked for.
In August 2016, I went to an adoption event with my roommates to go pick up their new cat. I went to the dog area just to get some petting time in, but as soon as I met Nyx, I knew I had to bring her home.
By far the saddest dog at the adoption event, I stuck my hand near the gate so she could sniff me, and she barely moved her head, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. After a few seconds, she finally gave my hand a tenative sniff and a small lick, so I finally started petting her. She acted like she had never been pet before - scared and unsure what was happening to her.
She was the prettiest dog there for sure, but I needed to make sure that I was getting a companion for my actual lifestyle. I went over to one of the adoption volunteers and asked, "which one is your oldest, laziest dog?" and they pointed right back to her.
The woman who almost stole her
I decided then and there I was taking this dog home. We needed each other, I could feel it. I just had to make sure I got the OK from my roommates, who were still waiting on the cat.
I told one of the adoption volunteers that I was interested in Nyx (named Cleo at the time) and that I was waiting for my roommates. 5, 10, 15 minutes go by and I still haven't seen them, but I'm too afraid to walk away from this dog. I know someone else will try to take her.
My intuition was right, and I overhear a woman in a tracksuit and high heels asking if she can take Cleo/Nyx outside the store to walk around, talking about how she can't wait to go on runs and work out with the dog. Knowing how Nyx was now, that's hilarious to imagine in retrospect. I could barely get that dog to walk around the block most of the time.
The adoption volunteer I was talking to apparently either saw my face or heard the woman, because she ran over and told her the dog was already taken, just waiting for me to actually grab her from the cage area.
By some miracle, my roommates finally decide to walk over at that point and we were able to fill out the forms and pay the $35 (yes, I bought a discounted dog) to take her home.
The most anxious dog in the world
When I first brought her home, you couldn't speak above a whisper around Nyx, unless you wanted her to start cowering in the corner. Closing any door? You better make sure the latch doesn't make a noise, or she'll go running. She wasn't interested in people, toys, other dogs, or even food.
I spent a lot of nights silently sitting beside her, hand outstretched beside me, waiting for her to make the first moves.
Despite the chewed up blankets, wallet, money, and bathroom counter corner, Nyx eventually settled down from being an anxious chewer and completely shut off, to being a slightly-more-nervous-than-usual dog who at least enjoyed people she knew well.
One thing she was amazing at was being a camping dog. Me and my friends met camping and hiking and did it frequently, dragging Nyx along with us. At the campsite, she would walk the perimeter, and at night, she'd lay beside me and alert me if anyone was approaching.
While we hiked, if there was no one around on the trail, I would let her off her leash and she knew to stay within 10-15ft of us, running just ahead to where she could sniff to her heart's content until we passed her and I would call out for her to follow. If anyone suddenly appeared, she knew to run back to me to be put back on the leash.
Eventually, she even learned to stop and wait at crosswalks (on the leash, of course), made sure I ate by not eating until I did, and knew her last resort to get my attention was to pull a singular piece of trash from the garbage can. I would swear that she knew English, too. She really was so insanely smart.
I'm a dog person, she's a person-dog
One thing she never learned how to do was to be a dog. She didn't have much interest in other dogs, and looked more like a person trying to play with them than another dog.
There were multiple times, long after the worst of her anxiety, that I would take her to the dog park. Unfortunately, me and her were a bit too much alike, and she would spend most of her time standing beside the fence watching the other dogs.
Even trying to play with her alone was difficult - she didn't understand fetch, tug of war, or any kind of "basic" dog games. You could throw a toy and she would just look at you like you were the stupid one. I eventually learned to mime out whatever I wanted her to do, but this had the side effect of her looking more like a person pretending to be a dog.
She was, however, very interested in people once she came out of her shell a bit. She absolutely loved my friend Ruth, whose couch we lived on for a summer and frequently camped with.
Another person who she liked (maybe even more than me) was my boyfriend. The first time him and I met, I opened the door and he immediately greeted her first. Instead of her growling or barking like she normally did with strangers coming into our house, she jumped up to give him a hug and basically didn't leave his side after that. It made me so jealous, but it was also such a green flag for me.
The end of an era
And as quick as it started, it ended. The night before Valentine's Day, 2024, we got home from work to find Nyx incredibly sick.
We rushed her to the ER vet, hoping to be told it was something ridiculous like she was always doing. Instead, they ended up quoting me almost $7000 just for the diagnostics, with no real hope that they would both figure out what's wrong and be able to fix it with a decent quality of life for her.
I'm grateful that she didn't suffer for long, and that she had a long life (she was 3 or 4 years old when I got her, so she was almost 12 at the time), but I had to make the gut-wrenching decision that everyone comes to - her quality of life and comfort over mine.
I've never been a religious guy - I grew up in a pretty agnostic household, and was a sorta-militant atheist as a 13 year old. That didn't stop me from cursing out God that evening and begging him to take me instead.
Valentine's Day was, obviously, ruined. We stayed home from work and didn't end up celebrating. I think I cried on and off for a month, at least.
But somehow, someday, we'll be ready for another dog. For the love and stress and joys and responsibilities and heart-wrenching pain all over again. Someday.